Emoticon by Ana Božičević

I.

There was no God in my childhood, and now
I miss him, in armlessness. Could’ve used

a god’s arms since I lost my own! But listen: it was the man
with God in his childhood who took away my arms. Now he has

mine, his own and God’s – what
the fuck?! God, what for is my e-mail password

your prophet’s name, Isaiah?

Whyfore do I type “Isaiah,”
“Isaiah,” at least 20 times a day?

I’ll change it. To “gimmebackmyarms07.”
I’ll change it to “Lenin-nothing.” I’ll change it to the

face of the rabbit that comes at the end

of autumn, meaning “nothing,” & disappears
among the leaves—

II.

Rabbit-husband,

are you scared

of this thing behind the wallpaper? It’s
silence. Everyone, at once, peel off your wallpaper! As soon

as it’s down, phones will stop
ringing, your husbands

won’t come home from the office— —Wait, what husbands?
—Those you never loved, and so it follows—

we never once made love. How scared I was
to close the garden door. No-one

out there in the dark green twitchless dusk to reopen it Remember

that woman

playing hide-and-seek
on her wedding day, in a hired castle, who

closed on herself a door
that wouldn’t open from within (a system of levers

built into the wall)— fifty years later
she’s found by the caretaker, still white-

gloved— clutching a knife—
would I have tried to eat the glove? My hand? Well,

I peeled him off,

even without arms. —You mean, the husband? —Yes, ‘cause
of his problem. He lost things. Like Peter

Pan’s shadow: you know, when he lost it? —Yes.
—Well, it was God.

by Ana Božičević

published in Absent Magazine